Grantaire, the Loyal Winecask
by hollybridgetpeppermint
Summary: The long-awaited parody version of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"  with a few changes from expected. "You know Bossuet and Joly and Courfey and Enjy,/ Bahorel, Jean Prouvaire, Combeferre, and Feuilly,/ But do you recall the sarcastic cynic at all?..."


**Disclaimer: I don't own Grantaire, or any of the Amis, or anything else from "Les Misérables"; nor do I own the original song ("Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"). (Still no luck with getting legal rights as Christmas presents...I'm beginning to suspect that my letters to Santa Claus are going astray. :D)**

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><p><strong>AN: ****Well, my friends, I'm back again!**

**My apologies for having, once again, stayed away so long. Lots of stuff happening, as usual, and I've been trying to balance fanfic with all the rest of my hobbies. Anywho...**

**Yes, I am, in fact, aware that it is after Christmas. :) However, stuff happened, and everything sort of snuck up on me this year... (I swear, one day it was August, and the next it was Christmas Eve!) Combining this with the fact that I lost access to ff . net for a day or two (stupid computer!)... I also want to apologize to those who voted on my profile, as the consensus was to post this way back in June (or about that time, at any rate)-I did, in fact, pay attention to your votes...I just couldn't quite manage to follow through. Sorry... ::looks ashamed of herself::**

**...well, anyway, here is the long-awaited version of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer!"**

**HOWEVER.**

**Due to a very sulky Enjolras-**

**Enjolras: I'm NOT sulky!**

**hbpm: -excuse me, a very STUBBORN Enjolras-**

**Enjolras: I'm NOT stubborn, either!**

**hbpm: Enjy, dearest, stop pouting and accept it.**

**Enjolras: I am NOT pouting, thank you VERY much! I am simply making my opinion known!**

**hbpm: ...right. Anyway, ****due to Enjolras being difficult—(sweetly) I mean, _making his opinion known_, and absolutely refusing to be Rudolph, even if he DID get to build a barricade—**

**Enjolras: I am certainly not about to act as a reindeer, barricade or no!**

**hbpm: You know, it would be really nice if you'd stop interrupting… As I was saying, Enjolras refused to be Rudolph. I could, of course, have pushed the issue, but chose not to, on account of not being able to force the English language to do my bidding…**

**Enjolras: Hah!**

**hbpm: Hey, YOU try writing yourself in there while preserving the rhythm of the original—more or less, anyway—and the proper stresses on words! I even asked Jehan for ideas! "Enjy, the Blond Apollo" was the best we could come up with, and that just didn't seem to work very well. Besides, I didn't see the story working with that, either… I mean, in the original, the main character—Rudolph—is made fun of (which I don't think happens to you a lot) for a specific trait—his nose—and then somebody—Santa—comes to the realization that that particular trait can actually be useful to him! Now, tell me, Blondie, how can your incredibly shiny hair be useful in building a barricade—or, really, at all?**

**Enjolras: ::gives hbpm The Statue Look, but otherwise does not deign to answer::**

**hbpm: That's what I thought. In any case, dear readers, permit me to apologize again for not fulfilling your expectations, and I hope that you will enjoy this anyway. Also, if you have an idea for how I COULD have done this with Enjy as the main character and/or building a barricade in there somewhere, do please let me know—maybe I can still write that and post it (giving you credit, of course)!**

**And now, without further ado, I present our dear drunken skeptic in…**

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><p><strong>Christmiz Carols:<br>Grantaire, the Loyal Winecask  
><strong>_(Sung to the tune of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer")_

You know Bossuet and Joly and Courfey and Enjy,  
>Bahorel, Jean Prouvaire, Combeferre, and Feuilly,<br>But do you recall the sarcastic cynic at all? . . .

Grantaire, the Loyal Winecask (Winecask)  
>Thought the Revolution bunk (It was madness!),<br>And, to whoever asked him (asked him),  
>Said he'd rather just get drunk (…as a dead man!).<p>

All the Amis ignored him (ignored him);  
>Enjolras just said, "Pooh-pooh!" ("Dratted Winecask!")<br>He never let poor Grantaire (Grantaire)  
>Plan the Revolution, too! (And the barricades!)<p>

Then one humid summer's eve,  
>R woke up to say, ("Republic!")<br>"My belief is overdue!  
>Enjy, let me die with you!"<p>

Then all the Mizzies loved him (loved him),  
>And they shouted out with glee ("Whoopee!"),<br>"Grantaire, the Loyal Winecask, (Winecask)  
>You'll go down in history! (Like Apollo!)"<p>

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><p><strong>AN: Well, as I said earlier, I hope you enjoyed this, despite the fact that it did not include Enjy in a reindeer suit (a circumstance one can only imagine… ::giggles helplessly at mental image::). Please do drop me a review to tell me if you liked it anyway, or to yell at me for not being able to get it right, or whatever.**

**By the way (well, not exactly "by the way"…but whatever), I do hope to have a karaoke version of this up on YouTube for you…preferably fairly soon! :D**

**Oh, and to cheer you up for the lack of barricade-building-reindeer!Enjy, here is a little gift for you…**

**Enjolras: NO! ::is dragged in by Courfeyrac and Bahorel with a stick attached to the back of his shirt, a string on the stick, and, hanging on the string-and, thus, right above that oh-so-shiny blond head-a sprig of mistletoe:: Let me GO! Yaaaaagh! ::fighting hard::**

**hbpm: ::with sweetly evil grin:: Anyone for Enjy-kisses? Only one per customer, please!**

**Enjolras: HEEEEEELLLLPPPP!**


End file.
